“Four days before my 21st birthday my whole world imploded when I found my Mum dead at home. I remember sitting on the pavement in the rain waiting for the ambulance to arrive, muttering to myself that nothing would ever be the same again. I was right but nothing prepared me for the far reaching effects being motherless has had on my life. ”
I’m Louise, affectionately known as Lou to many. I’m a copywriter in the health sector by profession, but have spent time working in the NHS and charity sector as an adult nurse - a career pivot that was shaped by the loss of my Mum and Dad.
The youngest of three girls, I suppose I was sheltered from the ‘hard stuff’ in family life. Mum had a heart condition but it was presented as an entirely fixable scenario; one that didn’t require me to worry. Mum would have surgery and would live a happier, healthier life because of it. That was that. But life took an unthinkable turn when Mum didn’t recover from her operation as everyone anticipated - even the medics. Finding my Mum dead in her bed at home has left me with indescribable trauma and anxiety. However, now as a mother myself to my adorable son, I am determined to talk to him about Mum in the way she would want to be known to him. But navigating this path is not easy and continues to challenge me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. The jealousy; the anger; the resentment of others experiencing what I should be with my Mum; the times I sit and wince as a mum and daughter walk past me, arm-in-arm down the street - or even worse pushing the pushchair together. As a woman, being motherless is truly one of the hardest things a person can experience. I hope my son will always know me for my strength and resilience, but I hope he will also understand the vulnerability and loneliness that comes with this path that I did not choose to walk.